Sometimes, The Middle Aged Man Dresses Himself…

And His Wife Laughed

…and it makes his wife laugh. To be fair, she gave her blessing to his yellow pants and purple shirt combo.  This was vacation time so he packed just the one coat to keep the luggage light. The black hat was purchased in Canada to keep the sun out of his eyes.

He would have packed his red Canada baseball cap but the wife said it makes him look like a Trumpster. That alone almost made him throw it in a dumpster for, to be associated with the Donald, a man with strong xenophobic tendencies is in antithesis to the Middle Aged Man who views himself as a citizen of the world, not just one country in the world, who understands isolationism is not the answer when the question is a thriving community.

But he has a hard time throwing away good money so it sits on his shelf gathering dust waiting for a future when the Donald has been dumped by US voters and is sent to rot in the anals (yes, I meant anal, not annal) of history.

On The Seashore (011)

At The Seashore

The first full day in Canada included a visit to Peggy’s Cove on the Nova Scotia seashore then a long, long drive to the very tip of Prince Edward Island 418 km to the North. It was cool in the morning so the stretchy jeans were again chosen. The sun was shining so shorts could have been option but the Middle Aged Man decided to play it safe. After this day, they were stuffed into the suitcase only to see the light of day on the long return trip home.

The Middle Aged Man digs the shades of orange known as rust, copper, terracotta, because they remind him of his beloved Moab, Utah, a land boasting many shades of orange and red along with landscapes that look more surreal than real. If he was given the option of living anywhere in the world, it would be somewhere in the bottom third of Utah leaning toward the East. His plan is to reside there permanently for eternity posthumously when his ashes are scattered to the Canyonland winds.

Now that he is thinking about the red rocks, he feels it’s time to visit his spiritual home again.

Traveling Man (010)

Traveling Man

Vacation time typically means plane time, airport time, lots of uncomfortable sitting time all begging for comfortable attire. The trip to Nova Scotia included two plane legs and a three hour layover.

So, the Middle Aged Man wore a pair of stretchy jeans, a lycra blend shirt also very stretchy, and his very comfortable grey Adidas shoes which go with almost and casual ensemble. He wanted to wear his blue pants with the elastic at the ankle but the wife said it looked too suburban.

“We are going to Canada.” he retorted, “What do Canadians know of urban vs suburban fashion or any fashion outside of hunting and fishing gear?”

“You gotta represent,” she returned. Thus the clothing for the evening in Halifax, Nova Scotia where they ate dinner and walked along the wonderful boardwalk taking time for this picture. (I feel like I’m starting to get the posing thing down.)

I Feel Like Samantha on Bewitched (009)

I bought these pants on the spur of the moment because they were dirt cheap, I was getting antsy waiting for my wife with an ability to shop for hours on end, and I had never owned a pair of maroon pants…well…I may have in the mid-1970s but those were large bell bottom plaid with a hint of maroon thrown into the mix. But that is something we no longer talk about and the pictures are, I hope, long gone.

Every time I put these on with my loafers, and I always wear them with loafers because I have no idea what else to wear them with, I have a flashback to Samantha the Witch as played by Elizabeth Montgomery on the TV Show Bewitched from my youth. I don’t know if she ever wore this combination. Nonetheless, I get that flashback.

Why then do I continue to wear them? To overcome the misguided notion that maroon pants are somehow effeminate. I am working to eliminate some of the silly gender stereotypes from my thinking.

Two Pieces of a Three Piece Suit (008)

Two Pieces of a Three Piece Suit

When I was younger, I enjoyed the vest that went with a three piece suit. I thought it added a touch of class. These days, I am not so big a fan. The best thing I can say now is that a vest would partially disguise the bulging belly which my mom decided to immediately point out when I went to her house this morning.

I bought this suit on a 2 for 1 at Men’s Wearhouse because I need to go on the interview circuit after getting laid off. I only wore it a couple of times before getting hired so it has pretty much lived in the closet for the past year….except….that is…for my uncle’s funeral and a memorial service which was the occasion for this wearing. (The other suit I have yet to wear…so much for getting the benefit of a 2 for 1 sale!)

I tried to chic it up with some cool purple socks, a pink shirt, pink pocket square, a tie depicting “The Scream” by Edvard Munch, and my favorite burgundy shoes. Thankfully, the day was pleasantly cool so I didn’t get all sweated up.

My model posing obviously needs lots of work. I am so used to being behind a camera that I don’t know how to act on the other side. It didn’t help that my wife didn’t tell me when she was actually taking the pictures.

This Ain’t No Disco (007)

My one fear when purchasing a white sports coat is that it would make people think of  John Travolta and the disco era even though it did not sport the wide lapel indicative of that era. I was/am firmly entrenched on the disco sucks side of the fence, claimed allegiance to the Insane Coho Lips, and was present during the Disco Demolition fiasco at Comiskey Park in 1979.

I dig the white coat. It wasn’t until I saw this picture that I realized how much I look like the American Flag or French Flag or Russian Flag or any of the 20 red, white, and blue flags of the world. Next time, I think I will pair it with other colors.

Salmon is a Fish NOT a Color (006)

Red Jacket

The Middle Aged Man received no fewer than six compliments on his red sports coat today with four of them from people he did not know. He also received a number of stares and sidelong glances and, if he is not mistaken, at least one snicker. But that’s ok for he is his own man and is comfortable in his own skin, his own red sports coat.

One of the people he knew said it was a flamboyant look. Flamboyant has a few definitions and connotations. The Middle Aged Man decided he would hang his hat on the definition: tending to attract attention because of their confidence and stylishness. 

After lunch, someone remarked on the coat with a reference to salmon. The Middle Aged Man had had salmon for lunch and was wondering if he was smelling a might bit fishy. So, he asked a colleague to smell his coat. She asked why so he told her what happened. When she finally stopped laughing, she told him salmon was a shade of red, the red of the sports coat he was wearing.

One of these days the Middle Aged Man is going to need to learn there may be more than 7 ROY G. BIV colors. In the mean time, people, salmon is a fish not a color!

When Did Jorts Go Out of Style? (005)

A few years ago, I was going out on a date in a pair of jorts (jean shorts) and my eldest daughter nearly fell into hysterics. It turns out, jorts were the epitome of Dad fashion and were shunned by anyone with any sense of coolness. I have since learned my beloved cargo shorts with a pocket for everything and then some have fallen into the same anti-cool hall of fame as jorts. So, what’s the Middle Aged Man to do?

His wife picked out these yellow shorts at Uniqlo. He was unsure but opted to go with her more sophisticated sense of style. He found this shirt on clearance at Nordstrom’s Rack, a store just around the corner from his office. The ‘list’ price was a ridiculous $135 but it was cut way, way down to fit within his more frugal budget. Otherwise, it would still be on the rack. The suede, navy blue shoes are made by one of the few clothing brands where he is willing to brandish a logo. They are Tom’s, a company that gives away a pair of shoes to the needy for every pair purchased.

The Middle Aged Man is still working on his ability to comfortably pose in front of the lens. This hand on chin mannerism is one the daughter that ridiculed his jorts absolutely hates. So, it seemed appropriate for an article with jorts in the title.

Patriot Colors (004)

With the publishing of this photo, the Middle Aged Man has come to realize he has a developed a tendency to wear red clothing. Today he paired red shirt, red shoes, red belt, and red watch with a pair of white Guess jeans and a navy blue sport coat. The jeans were found on the 80% off rack at Macy’s. (He didn’t realize they were Guess until much later.) Otherwise, the Middle Aged Man would never have purchased them because he refuses to pay extortionate fees to wear a label. His anti-label agenda means he rarely purchases items with visible labels. Why should he be an unpaid advertisement for mega companies? Now if some company out in reader land wants to pay him to wear their label and feature it on his blog….he is open to negotiation. Yes, he can be rented.

His campaign against labels started in the 1990s. For a long time, he was a fan of Nike shoes and wore them regularly because they fit well and felt good on his feet. Then Nike bought MJ, #23, Michael Jordan and almost overnight the prices on the shoes jumped. Same shoes with a much higher price because a basketball player wore the brand? That’s bullshit. Once that happened, he never again purchased a Nike product for personal use.

Peacefulness – Lemons and Limes and a Coat of Blue (003)

When my daughter was in college, she had a green and yellow circled chalked on the wall of her room. She said the combination of colors and shape felt peaceful. Thoughts of peacefulness inspired today’s background.

I read earlier this year, yellow was going to be an in color. So, I purchased a pair of yellow Adidas Gazelles and wore them with very low cut socks for the sockless look. There are other colors I have my eyes on but have not yet made the purchase. These shoes remind me of my soccer glory days before my knee was trashed, I crashed out of shape, and ballooned around the belly. I paired it with a pale yellow polo and a pair of olive green pants. I like how the colors complement each other.

I enjoy the touch of elegance added by a sportcoat or blazer. It dresses up any look, can be worn as a substitute jacket in the days when it’s too warm for a coat and still too cold in the morning to wear short sleeves. An added benefit, it has internal pockets to hold my phone and old man reading glasses and does a decent of job of masking the spare tire growing around my mid section.

This is one of my two conservative jacket and it goes with most anything. In a few days, my summer color jackets will be ready for pickup from Mandy, my seamstress. I also foresee a double breasted blazer on the horizon.